My superpower: working with anger

As a child, I had an imaginary companion, a tiger. I remember leading my nana by the hand, down to the hedge at the bottom of the garden, where my hut was, to visit the tiger.

I had two favourite stories, as a little girl. The Tiger That Came to Tea and Little Black Sambo, which also had a tiger in it. The latter with images of warm butter (ghee) and a spinning tiger, were captivating and somehow familiar to me. Likewise, the possibility of making friends with a dangerous animal, felt very enticing.

Throughout my life I’ve been captivated by images of tigers; artworks, fabrics, Hindu temple iconography and even wildlife safaris in India, to try to spot a real tiger.

Decades later I am in awe as the tiger returns to my imaginary world.

It is during an embodied processing session with a colleague. In the session I am feeling into familiar areas of tension in my right jaw, right-side neck, right temple, head and right chest. I have known these areas of clenching and tightness most of my life. As I investigate the characteristics and deeper layers of these body sensations, I clearly feel and see the anger held there. I encounter a very young part of myself, who feels powerless, unfairly punished, rejected, confused, misunderstood, not welcome and not fully seen. She wants to say, “it’s not fair”. The rumbling, boiling, volcanic sensation of anger is expanding but I can safely observe it from my greater Self, my untouchable witness aspect and due to the techniques of embodied processing and my familiarity with internal parts theory.

With the EP techniques and the therapist guiding me, I explore physical and energetic movements which upon invitation, create release through punching and pushing and even my voice joins in with a growling sound. Allowing and exploring these movements and sounds, gives me a greater understanding of what power and the safe release of its mobilising aspect (anger) feels like. I can kinaesthetically realise and understand the energy of it at an experiential level. I can safely come to know anger.

Thanks to an established relationship with the therapist and a safety resource we have found early on in our sessions, I feel no sense of inhibition and can just let the body talk and move its way through the long-held stuckness of emotion and trauma-survival strategy.

As the EP practitioner asks me if an image is coming to mind, my tiger appears. There is no fear, only a feeling of quiet, potent power and awe, at the presence of my old, long-lost companion.

I feel a quietening.

I am the tiger, and the tiger is my ally.

Power is my ally.

Anger is a mobilising expression of my power.

At this point in the session, I feel only power, contained, beautiful and indestructible latent power. Then comes a huge wave of joy at re-encountering and more deeply understanding this part of myself. I see that this power has been in me all along and now that I see it fully and understand its gifts, the confused little girl-part, can be held, supported and welcomed in. Her feelings are valid, and she can see that there is another part of self which can safely be all the power she ever needed.

I am truly in awe at these internal parts and how they can lose connection at times, become exiled, but that reconnection and integration is possible, to generate a renewed sense of wholeness, hope and peace.

The gateway into this wild, natural forest of our internal world, is our body. The key to the gate, is somatic and embodied practices.

It is all too common for families, community and society to misunderstand anger, to punish those that want to stand in their power.

Most of us at around 2 years old, start to explore the word ‘no’ and to want to find our own power and self-leadership. How our primary caregivers welcome this or receive this, can be key, to how we understand our world.

Females in particular, are commonly told, or it’s implied in society, that anger is not allowed, that little girls must be ‘good’ and many more unhealthy ways of being, which repress our natural thriving. This conditioning continues into the adult world, where a woman may be called ‘bossy’, ‘rude’, ‘difficult’, ‘stroppy’ or ‘hysterical’ for simply asserting her ideas or actions with surety.

It may feel very daunting to work with anger as a therapist or a client, due to the deeply engrained social conditioning we are influenced by.

It is common for people to fear anger, to see it as dangerous or taboo.

I encourage you as a therapist or someone on the healing path, to get curious, courageous and compassionate to the parts of self, that have not been allowed to speak. Welcome those parts into your awareness, see what they need to say, feel what they feel, validate their story and know they are a crucial aspect of your internal world.

No part is bad, no feeling is taboo. Every aspect of your internal world has played a crucial role in protecting or supporting your survival. Yet some of that will be creating a barrier to thriving, which is your birthright.

All parts deserve gratitude for their patience in waiting to be seen and heard.

Allow power to be welcomed safely into your consciousness and ensure you then use it to maintain your boundaries internally, in relationships, in situations and in settings where you need to assert your voice and actions.

Power is the energy which supports thriving.

Anger comes when we are in survival mode.

If we can establish that we are in a place of safety, we can transmute anger back into power.

Celestial bodies, by lucy campbell (one of my collected artworks)

Connect with me for coaching or counselling.

My mission is to help you unlock your full potential and to enable you to thrive.

Whether you’re an individual or an organisation, I am here to support you on your journey.

I know from my own personal healing journey, that a peaceful, resilient mind and a meaningful, happy life, full of gratitude and awe, is possible.

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